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Janky Headphone Fix

After a hard day expanding the energy nexus of the United States of America, Turbine Jesus, a local folk hero returned home to his modest establishment located within an all original 1982 single wide equipped with an air mattress and 10 mbps internet. With the intent of blessing the internet populous with his presence, TJ shed his outer cloth layers and proceed to replace the container in his hand with one filled with West O smoked red ale. Sitting down in the chair, after saving so many lives that day, was difficult for him at the time as his physical body was taxed to a level only parallel with Bernie Sanders proposal. Due to poor placement of one’s personal audio listening device, headphones where damaged during the sitting process.

The nature of Turbine Jesus is to handle problems in a miracle fashion without need for preparations or specialized equipment. This lifestyle had an effect on the way he operated within his personal life as well, although the personal life was severely limited after he presented his true form to the people of Orlando during a Halloween even in 2015. He found it difficult to take more than even 3 steps on an Orlando footpath before interruption from the locals demanding such things as “selfies” or “$8.75 for a bus ticket to Sanford because he isn’t like other bums and is a skilled technician, but has had HIV for the past 18 years”.

Now that you are thoroughly uninterested in the original point of this story, I will allow you to harvest some information with your eye balls that until this point you didn’t even know you required. When you just broke the only headphones you have and you’re stuck in a piece of shit single wide in the middle of a 12 lot trailer park in an 800 population town you don’t exactly have a Pokemon collection amount of options, so you first assess the situation. Questions such as “How many zip ties do I have?” and “How much cord could I cut off of that lamp without my land lord noticing?” are a good place to start. Once you have harnessed all possible ideas and materials from god himself you can tape, glue and rubber band your shit together so you can watch a video documentary of that time you were stranded on Mars reenacted by Matt Daemon.

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Matt Martin
The only person insane enough to make a stupid website like this.

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